A Powerful Way to Uncover and Heal Hidden Aspects of Grief


Very often my clients will think that they’ve completely recovered from losing a loved one, when in actuality, there’s still quite a bit of pain hidden beneath the surface of their awareness. And while they may not be conscious of this grief, it is still affecting nearly every aspect of their lives.

Because it so reliably reveals hidden aspects of grief, at some point during their course of treatment, I always ask my clients the following question:

If you had the opportunity to speak to the person who passed away and could say anything to him or her without fear of repercussions of any kind (hurting his or her feelings, angering him or her, etc.), what would you say?


Here are some of the responses I frequently hear:

I miss you.

I love you.

I feel lost without you.

I wish you were still here.

I don’t want to let go of my grief because it makes me feel close to you.

Thank you for everything you did for me.

I’m sorry (that you suffered so much/that I hurt you/that someone else hurt you/that your life was hard/that you were unhappy).

I’m angry at you because ________________.

I wish you had _____________________.

I wish I had ____________________.


When using this technique with my clients, I have them close their eyes and imagine their loved one’s face. Then I ask them the question.


If you could speak to the person who passed away, what would you say?


When they answer it, if their response has an emotional charge (and it nearly always does), I use it as a tapping statement, and we tap it through the points until it no longer brings up any emotional pain or stress.

Usually, there is more than one thing that they want to say, so we repeat this process until they feel complete with it, meaning they have nothing more to say that feels emotionally charged for them.






The deep (and often unconscious) need many people have to speak from their heart to loved ones who have passed away is poignantly addressed in a segment of the public radio show This American Life. In this segment, called Really Long Distance, the show’s producers travel to Japan to visit a non-functioning phone booth to which thousands of people who lost loved ones in the 2011 earthquake and tsunami have gone in order to pour their hearts out to the deceased.



I’ve listened to this segment twice, and both times I was struck by how cathartic the practice was for those who did it, and also how truly healing it would be if these people tapped while saying what they have to say. For while catharsis provides temporary relief from the pain of loss, tapping permanently releases it.

Here’s a link to the episode if you’d like to listen to it.





When doing EFT/tapping on your own, if you get stuck, aren't getting the results you want, or would simply like to have the support and guidance of an experienced professional, I recommend working with an EFT practitioner. To schedule a session or free consultation with me, click here.






Heather Ambler is a San Francisco Bay Area based EFT practitioner and mindset coach. Through her private practice and online programs, she's helped over 12,000 people from 78 countries recover from loss, heal trauma, overcome fears, release limiting beliefs, and achieve goals. To schedule a free consultation, click here.







Please reload

3 Keys Cover 2:10:20.png

Client Testimonial

“It’s amazing that I can now talk about my brother’s death without feeling that pang.”  — Emily

Please reload

Client Testimonial

“Today's EFT session was more impactful than any counseling I've ever had.”  — Connie


I've been an EFT practitioner for over 10 years now, and I'm still learning new ways to use this incredibly powerful tool. I hope you'll try out many of the ones in this article. You'll be amazed by the countless positive changes it brings to your life!

Every fear is rooted in something. Sometimes it's a traumatic event, sometimes it's a belief, and sometimes it's a combination of both. In order to release the fear, you have to identify and release what gave rise to it. Here's how:

There's no getting around it. Grief is an integral part of life. Even if you've never lost a loved one, no doubt you've lost something else that was important to you. Maybe it was a home, a job, your health, a period in your life, or a prized possession. And if you haven't yet lost a loved one, chances are you will.

Are you hurting about an event from your past and are not quite sure how to release it with EFT? Here's an easy to follow list of steps to guide you through the process:

1) Name the memory. For example: My husband cheated on me.

2) Give a number between 0 and 10 to the emotional intensity you experience when you feel into this memory.

3) Now put the memory title into an EFT set-up statement...

As long as we're carrying the past around inside us (which is just what happens to us as human beings--it's not a choice, and it's not our fault), it will continue to affect our present day lives--the choices we make, how we see the world, and the extent to which we're able to realize our potential. 

Though the weight of our emotional baggage can feel overwhelming at times, there is a fin...

One of the things I often hear from my clients and students is that they don't know how to come up with effective tapping statements. It's important to remember that tapping statements are simply a tool to keep you focused on the issue, and it’s focusing on the issue while tapping that releases it.

One of the easiest ways to bring your feelings to the surface to be named, tapped out, and...

Though EFT tapping is incredibly effective for grief recovery, most people don’t fully recover from losing a loved one. Throughout the past 10 years as an EFT practitioner, I’ve observed 5 main reasons for this. In today’s post, I’ll go over each one, including examples of how these inner obstacles to healing tend to present.

When it comes to healing with EFT tapping, the key is to be as thorough as possible in unpacking whatever issue you're working on. This is easier said than done, but there are some tapping tools you can reach for that will get you results every time.

What follows are five of my tried and true techniques for making sure every aspect of an issue I'm working on with a client has been uncover...

Want to make more money? Taking 2 minutes to identify the limiting beliefs in this article which apply to you is a powerful first step. Because the truth is, no matter how hard you work, or how talented you are, these beliefs can stunt your earning potential. After over 10 years as an EFT practitioner and mindset coach, I’ve seen it more times than I can count. Smart, talented, creative,...

Looking at these seven reasons and how they may resonate with your experience will help you to identify and release inner obstacles to healing. Though it can take courage and a lot of honesty with one's self, the results of this work are nothing short of life-changing.

In my many years as an EFT practitioner, there's one question my clients and students have asked me more than any other: "Isn't it bad to focus on the negative?" While I understand where people are coming from with this, my answer is always no. Here's why....

Many years ago a new client came to me for help with overcoming extreme anxiety in the workplace. In fact, she wasn’t just anxious about work, she was terrified. The reason for this was that the bank where she worked had been robbed, and the man who robbed it had singled her out as the one who would take him into the room where the safe was kept.

Please reload