top of page

How to Use EFT to Remove the Pain from Painful Memories

Healing Painful Memories with EFT

Are you hurting about an event from your past and are not quite sure how to release it with EFT? Here's an easy to follow list of steps to guide you through the process:

1) Name the memory. For example: My husband cheated on me.

2) Give a number between 0 and 10 to the emotional intensity you experience when you feel into this memory.

3) Now put the memory title into an EFT set-up statement (if you're totally new to EFT tapping and don't know what a set-up statement is, click here to view a 5-minute how-to video. In this example, it would be, "Even though my husband cheated on me, I deeply and completely accept myself."

4) Repeat the set-up statement three times while tapping on the karate chop point.

5) Now tap through all the points, repeating at each point the statement without the set-up phrases around it. In this case it would be: "My husband cheated on me."

6) Continue tapping through all the points while repeating the statement at each point. After tapping through the points a three or four times, reassess the emotional charge. The number may go up before it comes down. That's not at all unusual. Keep tapping on the statement until it is a 0, or no more than a 2.

7) Now ask yourself: What thoughts and feelings are coming to me now? Whatever comes as an answer to this question can be used as your next tapping statement. For example: "I can't believe she lied to me all those months."

8) At this point, you can either continue tapping on the first statement to get it all the way to 0, or take the new statement through the steps you just did on the first statement. Let your intuition guide you about whether to stick with the previous statement or move onto the new one. Remember, you can always save the new statement for later and continue on with the previous statement. Likewise, you can always return to a statement that you've moved on from.

9) Just continue on this manner, until the whole subject of "My husband cheated on me" feels neutral, meaning you feel at peace about it. You'll notice as you tap, if you hadn't already noticed it before, that the memory you chose to work on, in all likelihood, is really a whole collection of related memories, all of which fit under the umbrella of your title memory. The umbrella in the example here is "My husband cheated on me." Other examples might be: "Car accident," "Miscarriage," "Getting divorced."


Basically, with EFT, if you just follow the thread, it will lead you all the way through the issue (depending on the issue's complexity, sometimes this can be done in one tapping session, and other times it takes multiple sessions).

In this example, the beginning of the thread is whatever the name of your memory is, and once you start tapping that out, it will lead you to the next aspect of the memory that's ready to be released.

Related memories and feelings will pop up, like, in this example, the lies that were told. Or sometimes it's a sensory memory, like the smell of a certain food that was cooking when the infidelity was discovered, or a song that was playing. As these appear, just tap them out until they're neutral.

Soon you will have found and released every aspect of the painful memory, and it will no longer be painful, it will just be a memory, and you will be at peace with it.


When doing EFT tapping on your own, if you aren't able to completely heal the issue you're working on, so that when you think about it, it no longer causes any stress, emotional pain, anger, or fear, I recommend working with a professional EFT practitioner. If you decide that this is the best course of action for you, and you'd like to work with me, click here to schedule a session or free consultation.

For a downloadable PDF of this article, click here.


Heather Ambler is a San Francisco Bay Area EFT practitioner and mindset coach. Through her private practice and online programs, she’s helped over 10,000 people in 78 countries recover from loss, heal trauma, release fears, increase confidence, and achieve goals. To schedule a session or free consultation, click here.

Pink Gold Chart Book Cover.png
Irene Testimonial 1723.png
Tapping into Success Banner 2823.png
Joan Testimonial 1223.png